Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Condom PSA

It is common knowledge now that condoms are not a luxury for anyone having sex with a partner (or partners) with whom they are not fluid-bonded.  There is often a complaint with potential condom users that taking the fraction of a minute necessary to put on a condom breaks the "flow" of a sexual encounter.  Sex doesn't have to be mechanical, but - especially with a new, or non-bonded partner - it shouldn't be approached as some magical mystery tour of someone's "private parts".  If a thirty-second pause in action would ruin the whole night (as if an STI or pregnancy wouldn't do much worse), then you're probably going at it with the wrong mindset anyway...

Parasol Island, a design studio, produced a few humorous ads to drive this point home while promoting condom use.

Sex is no accident, by Parasol Island via MTV.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Myths busted

While it isn't my usual place to find helpful topics and facts about sex, Cracked published an interesting article regarding historical sex myths that I found particularly interesting.  It is intriguing to note how falsified the information is that we've long received regarding how sexual practice has evolved.

Six Ridiculous Sex Myths From History

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


I am breaking my long radio silence to post a recommendation for a sex toy.  The market is practically flooded with sex toys, from terrible to great, and I generally don't weigh in on one over another because they're so subjectively effective.  I am a proponent of sex toys and think whatever you add to your toy bag is good, even if it doesn't work out, because it helps enhance your sex life.

However, I now have to actually put forth not only an opinion and recommendation, but a strikingly glowing review for a sex toy.

It is the We Vibe II, and it is pure awesomeness.  Two thumbs up, five stars, A+, 10/10...

If you are, or ever have sex with, a woman, get this toy.  Yes, it is about $130 at your local toy shop, but it is available new from Amazon for less than $60.  It is worth every penny.  For everyone from perfectly vanilla couples who just need something to spice up regular sex to kinky BDSMers who want to include a new aspect to their freaky play, this toy is an absolute MUST HAVE.

Requisite disclaimer: toys must be cleaned according to instructions, stored appropriately, and used according to safer sex standards.  We Vibe tip: charge it for a full 24 hours after you get it home. Apparently it has some kind of 'memory battery' or something (the guy at the toy shop was a little vague) and fully charging it enables it to run longer and more effectively during play.


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Is it supposed to look like that?

First, and briefly, my sincere apologies for the complete dearth of posts/videos over the past few months.  Real life has a habit of getting in the way of our ambitions sometimes.

Second, and to the point, I received a message in my YouTube inbox over the weekend from a young man in the UK.  In his brief intro, he says he is 11 years old and... well, I'll just quote it here:

I regularly masterbate,, i know cum is ment to be white but when i masterbate all that happens is a transparent liquid seaps out of my penis..
Please help me im confused and we dont have sex ed in our school

 The subject of his missive was, simply, "HELP".  And I could immediately see why.  This poor young man is doing something that virtually every young man has done since the beginning of time, at a time in his life when such an activity - namely, masturbation - should be explored without guilt or fear.  The lack of the most basic facts of human reproduction had moved him to a level of confusion that, while would almost certainly not prevent him from continuing to jerk off could grow to a neurotic misunderstanding of precisely what was going on when he did it.

Here was my response:

Don't worry at all about the clear liquid. Typically that is called 'pre-cum' which is basically just a lubricant, though it will contain trace amounts of sperm as your sperm production kicks into gear through puberty. Especially at 11 years old, you may not have moved far enough along in/through puberty for your semen to have fully developed.

If the liquid you're seeing seeps out all throughout masturbation, then it's probably just 'pre-cum' and unless you have any kind of pain or numbness it is nothing at all to worry about. If what you're seeing is what you produce during orgasm (you didn't mention if you actually achieve orgasm at the end), then it's likely just that your body isn't yet producing all the chemical compounds necessary to give semen its more typical off-white coloration. Still, as long as you're not experiencing any pain or numbness, it's probably absolutely harmless.

And, finally, for some guys semen never gets to a distinct color or consistency. If, as you develop, you find that your cum remains relatively transparent, the only thing I would recommend would be to see a physician to make sure there's nothing wrong with your urinary tract or your sperm production. But that's a long way down the road from now.

Of course at the first sign of pain or numbness, even afterward, see a doctor. It may seem embarrassing, but I promise that physicians have heard it all and this won't make anyone think poorly of you. Next time you have to go in for a checkup, maybe make a special point to ask about it. If you're able to, I always recommend talking to your parents - probably your father in this case - but I know not everyone has that option.

I'm glad you wrote to me, and I wish you the very best of luck.

Also, I presume since you didn't say so that you're not having sex yet, but if you ARE, then this answer might change. This description can possibly fit the symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection - but if you're not having sex, you don't have it. If you ARE having sex, then please make sure you absolutely get to a doctor and make sure to acquire condoms. :)

It isn't the most complete answer, I suppose, but I'm relatively confident that it is the RIGHT answer.  Starting an entire sex-ed lesson on the basics of puberty, bodily fluids, orgasm, and how those all combine together struck me as a little overreaching for a single response to a single concern.  Not to be condescending about it, but especially to an 11-year old boy.

Some points I left out because I didn't think they were salient to this young man's concern, but that I think lead to his disappointing misunderstanding:

Orgasm is certainly possible prior to puberty.  Though many people (especially women) can go far into sexual 'maturity' without ever having achieved orgasm, lots of people (probably especially men) experience the "Big O" before their balls drop or their pubic hair gets in the way.  I have mentioned before that there is evidence of masturbation as early as fetal development in the womb; surely pre-pubescent orgasm is not even close to out of the question.

As our bodies change during puberty and our chemicals start to discover whatever internal balance they're going to have, the evidence of that development starts to manifest in myriad ways.  For some, it's acne.  For others, it's complete distraction by anything of the opposite (or same) sex.  Many of the outward signs of pubescent change are very noticeable, like acne or a sex drive.  But some of them are more subtle, like the color of one's ejaculate or the sensation (not just the appearance) of breasts/testicles.  These specifics are just as much a part of puberty as the voice changing, pimple-having, random-hard-on-ing, tit growing parts.  Largely, though, the subtle things are rarely discussed because, I think, they're all the parts that have to do less with the stuff stand up comedians can joke about and more with the stuff parents and/or teachers would actually have to empathize with their kids/students about.

I felt bad for the young man who wrote me, though I'm insanely glad he did.  Even basic sex ed, like the "this is how your body works" science of it, is so important in the development of young people.  The shame and guilt and confusion and fear of what is, at its base, the single most natural and important function of any living thing simply angers me.

Though most of the people watching my videos and reading my blog are adults, and most of my topics and verbiage is aimed at those adults, I am not-so-secretly glad to know that pre-teens might be having a gander.  Sex ed is valuable at all stages of life, but if you can start off with a decent grasp of how this shit's supposed to work, you'll have a lot fewer bad habits to undo when you get to 18, 30, 50, and beyond.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Married Sex

Here I had everything ready to go and just couldn't get the video processed.

For you married folk:

As always, this is available on YouTube.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Friday, October 29, 2010

Halloween and other scary stuff

I would like to apologize for the lack of update.

I just recently lost my job, and while I thought that would give me plenty of time to update and make my webcasts on time, apparently things didn't work out that way.  Between job hunting, cleaning the house, getting ready for Halloween, and a somewhat impromptu road trip last weekend, I haven't had any spare time to write or record.

I promise I will, and I will hopefully make it worth the wait.  Thanks to my viewers/readers/followers for sticking around.

As always, if you want me to talk about something in particular, feel free to comment or email me directly.


Thursday, October 21, 2010

Sexual Identity

This week's video is about sexual identity.

As always, you can watch on YouTube.

In the spirit of understanding and embracing sexual identity, I would like to recommend any young people struggling with theirs to also visit Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project.

Have a great week of great sex, everyone!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Pardon the interruption

We've had some sickness in the house this past week and it's kept me out of commission long enough that even my brightest hopes could not get this week's intended webcast off the ground in time.  We will return to our regular schedule next week.

In the meantime:  Wear condoms

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Kink 101

Some kinky resources that are decent for beginners:
Different Loving 
SM 101 
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns 
When Someone You Love is Kinky 
How to be Kinky 

BDSM clubs and organizations - this is NOT a definitive list, so feel free to broaden your research for your own specific area.  Because of the necessity of discretion, lots of these lists are outdated.  It can be something of a search to find active kinky groups, but it is worth the effort.